Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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