He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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