i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I wish there were birth control emojis
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
