I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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