Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
