Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
