My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
