i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
