You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
