i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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