if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
