@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I love you. Go after that dick
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
