wrigley field is MILF paradise
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
