these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
