fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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