He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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