I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
