I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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