Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
