I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
