Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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