The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
