tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
