he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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