READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
