Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
