My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
