can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Two words: blizzard sex
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
