the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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