turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
