you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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