Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
