pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
