Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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