I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
