Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
