So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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