Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
