Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
