I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
