This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
