We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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