You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
