I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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