one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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