He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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