well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
