I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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