Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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