i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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