Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
