There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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