whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
and she was petting her beer can
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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