I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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