The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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