can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So many bounce houses so little time
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
