He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
