..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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