You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
